


and look what happened to me

by SJAandDWfan



Series: the emma and alyssa story [2]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, my take on the early days of their relationship, this just in i can't seem to stop writing them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 23:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17734469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJAandDWfan/pseuds/SJAandDWfan
Summary: “So,” Alyssa started, stretching out the word. “Where do we go from here?”Emma shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position or anything. I don’t want to confuse what we are for what we’re not but I just want…”“What?” Alyssa prompted softly when Emma trailed off. Emma took a deep breath.“I just want to be with you. As in, dating.”It was strange how such a simple statement could make Alyssa’s heart race like this. She’d wanted to believe it before, with how yesterday had gone, but hearing Emma say it out loud was something else entirely.orthe early days of their relationship





	and look what happened to me

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back with another prom fic oops it's me. title from you happened from the prom (at this point i'm just predictable).
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> tw: homophobia

Emma couldn’t help the way her eyes seemed to keep drifting to Alyssa over the top of her mug, both of them sitting at the kitchen table while Betsy fussed over Alyssa’s wet clothes. Emma had lent Alyssa one of her favorite sweaters and a pair of sweatpants to change into while her grandmother attempted to dry her jeans as best as she could before her curfew would be up and she’d have to be back home.

Alyssa met her gaze shyly, taking a sip of hot chocolate from the oversized mug she was cradling in both hands. Betsy had taken one look at her as they’d walked through the front door and had picked out the largest mug she owned. She didn’t ask what had happened; why Alyssa had run off into the storm and why Emma had specifically brought her back to the house after finding her, and Emma had never been more grateful that this was where she lived now. If this would have happened when she was still living with her parents…

“Jeans are the worst thing to try and get dry again,” Betsy tutted loudly, cranking the hairdryer up to its top setting with a determined look on her face.

“You really don’t have to—” Alyssa began, but Betsy cut her off.

“It’s the least I can do,” she said. “Now drink up and get warm.”

Alyssa’s eyes met Emma’s again, and it was clear what she was thinking. Emma suspected that the drink she was cradling, the borrowed clothes, and the heating in the house – not to mention the kiss they’d shared less than twenty minutes ago in her car – were doing a pretty good job of keeping her warm.

Biting her lip, Alyssa simply nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Betsy fixed her with a look.

“Sorry. Betsy,” Alyssa corrected herself, the corners of her mouth pulling up into an amused smile. Emma snickered into her hot chocolate, taking a sip to stop herself from laughing out loud at her grandmother and her aversion to formalities. She truly was the best kind of small-town woman.

Alyssa twisted a loose strand of hair around her finger absent-mindedly, the rest of it pulled up into a bun. She’d said she didn’t want to drip rainwater onto Emma’s sweater, but if truth be told, Emma couldn’t care less about that. As far as she was concerned, it was Alyssa’s sweater now.

It was odd, but seeing Alyssa in her clothes was giving her butterflies, and Emma didn’t quite know how to explain it. She remembered, distantly, offering Alyssa her spare clothes during their first proper conversation – a few months ago, now. They’d come such a long way since then; Emma still couldn’t quite believe today had happened. Alyssa liked girls. She liked _Emma_. They’d kissed, twice, and already Emma felt herself longing to kiss her again.

Judging from the way she kept catching Alyssa glancing at her lips, Emma suspected that the feeling was mutual.

“I should probably head back,” Alyssa said apologetically after a long moment of silence. “If I’m not there when my mother gets home things could get ugly.”

Betsy looked at her in concern, but Alyssa waved her off.

“Just in the sense that there’ll be a lot of questions and probably a couple of lectures thrown in for good measure.”

Betsy still didn’t look convinced, and to be honest, Emma didn’t feel that great about it either. Clearly, Mrs Greene was a controlling figure in Alyssa’s life, and for all Emma still didn’t know too much about her, they didn’t seem to have the healthiest parent-child relationship.

“If you’re sure, dear,” Betsy said, switching off the hairdryer even though the jeans were still a bit damp.

“Thank you for the hot chocolate,” Alyssa said, putting her now empty mug down on the kitchen table and glancing at Emma. “And for the clothes.”

“I did once tell you the offer of spare clothes was there any time you needed it,” Emma said, and Alyssa smiled at the memory. “Come on, I’ll drive you back.”

There was still a thunderstorm going on, after all, and Emma wasn’t about to let her go out in the cold and the rain when she’d only just gotten warm again. She stood up and grabbed the keys to her truck, promising her grandma that she’d be home soon. Alyssa gathered up her damp clothes and her backpack, shyly bidding Betsy goodbye and following Emma to the door.

Rain was still pouring down outside. Emma grimaced as she pulled open the door, turning to Alyssa.

“I’ll unlock the car and get the door open, then you run like hell and jump in. Got it?”

Alyssa laughed, and Emma felt a swooping in her stomach. “And to think they said chivalry was dead.”

Emma did her best to fight down a blush, choosing instead to dash out from the safety of the threshold and into the rain. She fumbled for a second with the car door as she got it unlocked, and then wrenched it open and climbed in. She reached across the console to open the passenger side door, signalling Alyssa.

Alyssa closed the door to the house and sprinted to the truck, eyes alight and giggling uncontrollably as she threw herself onto the seat and slammed the car door behind her with a flourish. Emma laughed along with her, still scarcely daring to believe that this afternoon had really happened. Alyssa Greene was in her truck, wearing her clothes, and biting thoughtfully on her bottom lip as her laughter gradually died.

Before Emma could speak, Alyssa leaned over the console and kissed her.

It was chaste; a press of lips against Emma’s own and then she was pulling away again, a nervous smile on her face.

“Sorry, I just really wanted to do that,” she said.

Emma blinked a few times. “Absolutely no problem at all.”

She looked blankly at the car keys in her hand, trying to remember what she’d been about to do. Drive Alyssa home – that’s what she was going to do. Clearing her throat, Emma put the key in the ignition and the engine roared into life.

“Can you, um, give directions?” she asked. “I don’t actually know where you live.”

Alyssa, who had been studying Emma’s no doubt awkward behavior, jumped a little. “Yeah, of course, sorry. Just take a left out of the driveway and I’ll tell you when to turn.”

Emma smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way, backing the car out of the driveway carefully. She realized that she and Alyssa still had a lot to learn about each other, even thought they had been friends for a little while. Although, were they friends anymore? They hadn’t had a chance to discuss what exactly this whole kissing-and-feelings development made them. Were they dating? It made Emma’s head hurt a little bit to think about, but she doubted there’d be enough time today to have that conversation with Alyssa.

Besides, she was scared. What if Alyssa didn’t want to date her? What if she woke up tomorrow and discovered that today had been a fluke – or worse, a mistake? What if she never even spoke to her again and Emma lost the only friend she had at school?

“Emma?” Alyssa asked quietly. “Are you okay?”

Snapping out of her trance, Emma realized that the car had just been idling in the middle of the empty road. “Sorry.”

She drove down the street, waiting for Alyssa’s instructions.

“I’m scared about what happens next.”

“Me too,” Alyssa admitted in a small voice, before her attention returned to the road. “Um. Take a right here.”

Emma did as instructed. “I just… I really like you, and I don’t want to screw anything up.”

She saw Alyssa nod out of the corner of her eye. “I really like you too, Emma.”

Emma tried to hold onto that. Alyssa had feelings for her, that much was real. Even if they couldn’t be together in public, and Emma doubted they could for now, maybe they could still be _something_. She didn’t want to let a chance with Alyssa pass her by just because they were both scared.

It didn’t take long to get to Alyssa’s house. It was relatively big and very imposing-looking; the lights were all out and there weren’t any cars parked in the driveway. As she put the truck in park, Emma wondered if Alyssa’s dad was still in the picture. It didn’t seem like he was, given that Alyssa had never mentioned him and there was clearly nobody home right now.

Emma swallowed, gathering her courage. “We should talk tomorrow,” she suggested. “About this. Us.”

Alyssa nodded slowly. “Band closet at lunch?”

“Yeah,” Emma breathed. She didn’t know what to do now; whether to kiss Alyssa goodbye or not. Now that they were outside her house, Alyssa seemed more on-edge. She was glancing around almost like she expected her mother to leap out of the bushes and discover them, so Emma decided that kissing probably wouldn’t be the best idea. Instead, she reached out and brushed her thumb over the back of Alyssa’s hand. “Are you gonna be okay until your mom gets back?”

Alyssa nodded. “Thanks again for the sweater. I’ll wash it and get it back to you tomorrow.”

“Keep it,” Emma said, without thinking. Alyssa looked surprised, her eyes soft as she fiddled with the cuff of the garment.

“Really?”

Emma nodded, and Alyssa smiled warmly at her.

“Thank you,” she said again. “For everything. For coming to find me earlier, and for what you said before we… you know.”

“I know,” Emma said quietly. The air between them seemed to crackle with electricity, and Emma wondered for a moment if Alyssa was going to kiss her again after all, but then she was reaching for the door, an apology in her eyes.

“Goodnight, Emma,” she said.

“Goodnight,” Emma echoed. “See you tomorrow?”

Alyssa nodded firmly, glancing outside to where the rain was finally slowing. She opened the door, taking a deep breath and running for the house. She paused on the stoop, looking back and giving Emma a little wave when she saw her still parked on the street.

Emma waited until Alyssa had disappeared from view before setting off for home. She exhaled shakily, not quite knowing what was going to happen, but trying to think as positively as she could.

 

* * *

 

The corridor where the band closet was situated was usually pretty empty, especially during lunch, so it was easy for Alyssa to make an excuse to Kaylee and Shelby and sneak away to meet Emma. She opened the thankfully windowless door to find Emma sat on an upturned box, one of the school’s cheap little guitars in her hands. She was humming to herself, strumming the chords of a song Alyssa didn’t know.

She didn’t say anything for a moment, too caught up in watching Emma. The sound of the door closing behind her got Emma’s attention; she all but dropped the guitar in surprise as she became aware of Alyssa standing there.

“Sorry!” Alyssa held her hands up. “I just didn’t want to disturb you and I really like watching you play anyway and—”

“You do?” Emma asked. She looked legitimately shocked.

“You just look so at peace,” Alyssa shrugged. She leaned back against the door uncertainly, not entirely sure how this conversation was about to go. “I like seeing you happy.”

Emma smiled warmly, although Alyssa could see how nervous she was. In a way, the fact that Emma was nervous about this helped to settle her own doubts. At least they were both in the same boat.

“So,” Alyssa started, stretching out the word. “Where do we go from here?”

Emma shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position or anything. I don’t want to confuse what we are for what we’re not but I just want…”

“What?” Alyssa prompted softly when Emma trailed off. Emma took a deep breath.

“I just want to be with you. As in, dating.”

It was strange how such a simple statement could make Alyssa’s heart race like this. She’d wanted to believe it before, with how yesterday had gone, but hearing Emma say it out loud was something else entirely.

“I want to be with you, too,” Alyssa said. “God, Emma, you have no idea how much I want that.”

“But?” Emma smiled ruefully, picking up on something that Alyssa didn’t even begin to know how to explain without seeming like a coward.

“But… the rest of the school, the things they say about you just because you’re gay…” Alyssa exhaled shakily. “Nobody can know about me. At least not for now.”

She could see the sadness in Emma’s eyes, mixed in with about a million other emotions, and Alyssa realized it sounded like she was shooting her down.

“I get it,” Emma said. “I wouldn’t want you to go through what I went through, believe me.”

“Wait,” Alyssa said, because it sounded like Emma was about to wrap up the conversation, and she still had more to say. “We couldn’t—we couldn’t be public, but I still want to…”

“Want to what?” Emma asked, and there was hope starting to spark behind her eyes as she caught onto Alyssa’s insinuation.

“Kiss you,” Alyssa whispered. “I want to kiss you, and hold your hand, and go on dates even if they can’t be in public like everyone else’s are, I just… the way I feel when I’m around you, Emma? I can’t lose that.”

She felt like she was holding her breath as she waited for Emma’s response. Emma, who was perfectly within her right to shoot her down in flames. Emma, who was already out, so why should she agree to any sort of relationship with someone who was still in the closet?

“Okay,” Emma said softly, and Alyssa was snapped out of her spiral.

“Really?”

Emma nodded. “I know keeping us a secret isn’t going to be easy, but I don’t care,” she said. “And we can figure out the dates part. We’ll think of something.”

Alyssa blinked, her eyes filling with sudden tears at how understanding Emma was being. “I wish I was brave like you.”

“You are brave,” Emma said firmly, getting to her feet and gently tugging Alyssa away from the door and further into the small room. “You kissed me first, remember? While having no idea that I had a crush on you.”

“I still can’t believe that you do,” Alyssa murmured, and Emma looked at her with the most incredulous expression she’d ever seen.

“Alyssa, are you kidding?” she asked. “You’re the most amazing person at this school. You’re kind, and you’re smart, and I think you might actually the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. So how could I not have feelings for you?”

Alyssa wrapped her arms around Emma’s shoulders, hugging her so tightly she wondered if Emma was still able to breathe. It felt like a mirror of their first hug, only things between them had changed so much in such a short space of time. Nobody had ever said anything like that to her before. It was overwhelming in the best possible way, and Alyssa didn’t know how she’d been so lucky as to find Emma.

She mumbled as much into Emma’s shoulder, and felt arms squeeze around her waist in reply. They stood there for a long moment, just holding onto each other. Alyssa could feel Emma’s rhythmic breathing, and she felt her whole body start to relax. She didn’t even realize how tense she’d been until now.

“Do you want to come over for a study date later?” Emma asked. “We do still have the history project as a cover story.”

Alyssa laughed, pulling back slightly to look at Emma. “As long as we get at least a little bit of work done,” she said. “We didn’t exactly get a lot of it done yesterday, after all.”

“Deal,” Emma grinned. They stayed like that, with Alyssa’s arms looped around Emma’s neck and Emma’s around her waist, until Emma shuffled her feet nervously. “Does—does this mean we’re a…? I mean, I guess what I’m asking is—will you be my girlfriend?” Emma didn’t even wait for a response before she hurriedly continued. “That was probably too early of me to ask, feel free not to—”

“Yes,” Alyssa interrupted, because she knew that – not unlike herself – Emma could be prone to nervous rambling. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

A brilliant smile broke out across Emma’s face, and Alyssa couldn’t help but grin back. She had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that nobody could know was her girlfriend, but still.

Emma rocked forwards on her toes and kissed her, short and sweet and seemingly just because she could, and Alyssa loved it. She played with a strand of Emma’s hair, just untamed enough to make her stand out from the bleached, straightened and styled hair of just about every other person in school. Emma blushed, looking down at her feet.

“I can give you a ride back to mine from school,” Emma suggested. “You don’t have cheerleading practice today, right?”

“I don’t,” Alyssa confirmed. “And I’d love to, but what if someone sees us?”

“Then we use the project cover story,” Emma reminded her.

“Okay, yeah,” Alyssa smiled, trying to squash the nerves as her mind conjured up images of the stares, and the whispers, and the suspicion. It was common knowledge that she and Emma were partnered together for the big project, after all. “Good plan.”

“Then I’ll see you later,” Emma said, just as the bell rang to signal the end of the lunch period. “Girlfriend.”

Alyssa bit her lip to stop her smile from actually splitting her face as a thrill raced through her upon hearing that word come from Emma’s mouth. Pressing one last kiss to Emma’s lips so that she could slip out of the band closet before people started appearing, she whispered a quick goodbye to her.

Shutting the door behind her, Alyssa attempted to school her features into a more neutral expression – something that she had a feeling was going to prove more and more challenging the more time she spent with Emma.

 

* * *

 

“How are things going with your project?”

Emma dropped her phone into her lap as her grandmother placed their plates down on the table, trying to act like she hadn’t just been grinning stupidly at the text Alyssa had sent her.

“Fine,” she replied hurriedly. “Why do you ask?”

Betsy shrugged, sending Emma an uncomfortably piercing look. “Just want to know how my granddaughter is doing in school.”

Emma made a conscious effort to relax her shoulders. “It’s going well, grandma. Promise. We’re making a lot of headway on both parts of it.”

In her defence, that was completely true. She and Alyssa had made good progress on both the portfolio and the powerpoint presentation, even if they had been a little prone to distraction over the past week.

A week. It had really been seven whole days since they’d gotten together, and although they were both still finding their feet in the relationship – a first proper relationship for both of them – Emma would cautiously say that everything was going pretty well so far. There was the matter of not being able to tell anyone, and not being able to hold Alyssa’s hand in public, but Emma knew why Alyssa didn’t feel ready to come out. Even with the little Alyssa had told Emma about her mother, she suspected that her reaction would be a particularly negative one – just like Emma’s own parents’ reactions had been.

So, Emma understood. A part of her wished more than anything that they could just be together in public, but she knew that it just wasn’t an option right now. Maybe someday. But dating Alyssa in private was infinite times better than not dating her at all, so Emma could manage – besides, she didn’t want either of them to be harassed, which was more than likely to happen should they come out as a couple at school. It was just easier this way.

“I’m glad,” Betsy said, as Emma began to eat. “You girls spend long enough up there together that you really ought to get an A on this project.”

She said it innocently enough, but Emma still nearly choked on her food. Praying that her cheeks weren’t turning as red as they felt, Emma took a sip of water as she tried to think of anything but the kisses they would steal between citation suggestions, and the butterflies in her stomach every time Alyssa so much as inched closer to her.

“Well, we’re the only ones doing the project on any kind of ancient civilization, so I’m hoping Mr Cole will give us points for that at least,” Emma said. “But I’m learning a lot about the Greeks thanks to Alyssa and the power of the internet.”

Betsy smiled indulgently at her. “Good. You know, I’m so glad the two of you are together.”

This time, Emma actually did choke on her food. “What?”

“Working together on the project,” Betsy clarified, giving Emma an odd look. “I think you would’ve had a miserable time if Mr Cole would have paired you with anyone else.”

“Probably,” Emma cleared her throat, trying to calm her racing heart.

 

* * *

 

The final cheerleading practice of the semester had just let out, and Alyssa was exhausted. It was the day she had gym followed by practice, which made it her least favorite day. She gulped water as she returned to the locker room, sweaty and with aching muscles. She intended to do as little exercise as possible over Christmas break – and with six days left before Christmas itself, Alyssa had a feeling she would be snacking on anything she could find; her mother’s judgemental stares be damned.

She was in good shape. Letting herself relax over Christmas wouldn’t kill her.

“Did you see her just sitting there?”

Alyssa tuned into the conversation Kaylee and Shelby were having as they changed back into their street clothes next to her, taking her own clothes out of her locker as she put her water bottle down and started to change too.

“Yeah, it was super weird,” Kaylee agreed. “Like she was perving on us.”

Alyssa’s blood turned to ice in her veins, because there was no mistaking who her friends were talking about. Since she was giving Alyssa a ride back to hers to put the finishing touches on the presentation they would be giving tomorrow, Emma had hung around on the bleachers for the duration of cheerleading practice. She’d been wrapped in a coat and scarf, thumbing through a book as she’d waited, but Alyssa had occasionally caught Emma watching her – just her. Every time, Emma would glance back down at her book with red cheeks, and Alyssa would bite her lip to hide a smile.

“Why was she even there?” Shelby wondered aloud.

Alyssa could feel their eyes on her, and she sighed. “Emma and I are finishing our project today. She was waiting so I could get a ride back, is all.”

Kaylee raised her eyebrows. “How much more work could you possibly have to do? It’s like you’re doing that project almost every day.”

“It’s a very in-depth project,” Alyssa said, trying to appear calmer than she felt.

“Just be careful,” Shelby frowned. “Make sure her parents are home. Don’t want her to try and make a move on you or something.”

“Emma lives with her grandma,” Alyssa replied automatically.

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just be careful she doesn’t jump you.”

“Oh my god, listen to yourself,” Alyssa snapped. “Emma’s not that kind of person.”

“But she’s _gay_ ,” Kaylee protested, like that was enough of an argument, and Alyssa felt panic rise in her throat. “She’s a lesbian, Alyssa, and I bet she has a crush on you and is just waiting to get you alone so she can try and turn you.”

Alyssa gripped her scarf tightly, the last thing she had to put on, and resisted the urge to use it to wring Kaylee’s neck instead. “Can we just drop it, please?”

“Fine,” Shelby said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “But don’t say we didn’t warn you.”

Alyssa gathered her things together as her friends left, sitting down on the bench once she was alone. She tried to calm her breathing, which had grown shallower the angrier she had gotten. They had no right to say those things about Emma, and clearly they didn’t know the first thing about her or they wouldn’t even be thinking those awful thoughts.

Emma was the kindest, most respectful person Alyssa knew. Just because Kaylee and Shelby were used to aggressive advances from the guys at school, they clearly thought that Emma would be the same just because she liked girls too. Would they say things like that about Alyssa herself if they knew? Would they even let her in the locker room with them? This was just yet another reminder that as long as she was at this school, she could never be open about being gay.

Alyssa sighed heavily, dragging herself to her feet despite the protest of her aching legs. Emma would be wondering where she was.

 

“Are you okay?” Emma asked, as soon as she saw her.

She’d been leaned against the outside wall of the school waiting, her smile melting into a concerned expression as she took in the stiffness of Alyssa’s body language.

Alyssa waved her off. “Not really, but can we wait until we get back to your place?”

Emma nodded, and a wave of relief washed over her. Following Emma to where her truck was parked, the barest hint of a smile pulled at her lips as Emma opened the passenger side door for her. This kind of stuff was what Kaylee and Shelby didn’t know – the fact that Emma was more of a gentleman than every boy at James Madison High put together. Little things like opening doors for her, and the reverence with which Emma held her hand almost like she considered it a privilege. Things that Alyssa would guess that wouldn’t even cross the minds of most teenage guys.

Kaylee and Shelby always harped on about how they wanted their various boyfriends to treat them like princesses, but Alyssa didn’t feel like that with Emma. Mainly because Emma didn’t seem to feel like what she was doing was particularly special; it was just the way she was. The kindness and the reverence Emma showed her came naturally, and Alyssa only hoped that she was able to do the same for her.

They’d been a couple for less than a month, but being with Emma had been easy from the start. In private, anyway.

The drive back to Emma’s house was pretty silent, and after saying a quick hello to her grandma, Emma led her straight upstairs and into her room. Alyssa perched on the foot of Emma’s bed, picking at a loose thread on her jeans as Emma set down her backpack and came to sit next to her.

“What happened?” she asked gently.

Alyssa shrugged. “Just some of the girls saying dumb stuff after practice.”

“Kaylee and Shelby?” Emma guessed.

“Shocking, I know,” Alyssa said dryly.

“What did they say?”

Alyssa bit her lip, reaching out to take Emma’s hand. Her skin was warm and soft, and Alyssa interlaced their fingers slowly, savouring every bit of contact. “They were saying mean things about you. Because you were waiting for me.”

Emma exhaled, only a little shakily. “Like?”

“Emma, you don’t want to know,” Alyssa said.

“No, I do,” Emma said. “It’s okay, Alyssa. You can tell me. I promise you I’ve heard worse.”

Alyssa’s heart ached. Emma had experienced so much hate already in her relatively short life, and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all, because Emma was a good person; a much better person than anyone who had said horrible things to and about her.

“They seemed to think that you were trying to get me alone so that you could try and turn me gay,” Alyssa spat out. “Because that’s clearly how it works. I wanted to strangle them.”

Emma just smiled at her sadly. “Yeah, that’s one of the worse stereotypes.”

“It’s such bullshit,” Alyssa said angrily. “Even if we weren’t together, and I was straight, I know that you would never ‘jump’ me, as they put it. You’re not the person they make you out to be, and I hate that they say things like that about you.”

“Alyssa—”

“And I hate that I didn’t do more to stop them,” Alyssa carried on, a lump forming in her throat. “I said that you weren’t that kind of person, and I told them to drop it, but I wish I could’ve done more. I’m your girlfriend, I’m meant to be defending you from assholes like them and I wanted to, I swear, but I was so scared that they would figure out about us and about me that I just couldn’t—”

Emma pulled her into a hug as the tears came, one hand rubbing soothingly on her back. Alyssa breathed her in, tense muscles going slack in her embrace. Part of her felt pathetic for, yet again, crying in Emma’s room. But Emma didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s not your fault,” she said firmly. “And while I’m so grateful that you said what you did to them, I never want you to be put in an uncomfortable position like that. I don’t want you to feel like you have to out yourself to defend me, okay?”

“I know,” Alyssa murmured. “I just wish they wouldn’t say shit like that in the first place.”

“Me too,” Emma said, pulling back to wipe the tears from Alyssa’s cheeks.

Alyssa felt suddenly exhausted. With a sigh, she let herself flop backwards onto the bed. Her head didn’t even reach the pillows, her legs hanging off the edge of the bed from the knees down. She rubbed at her eyes, reaching out a hand to Emma, who allowed herself to be pulled down too.

“I know we still need to finish our project, but can you just… hold me, for a little while?”

It was an innocent request, but Alyssa thought it was still probably the most intimate thing she’d ever asked of anyone. Emma nodded quickly and Alyssa wriggled closer, tucking her head beneath Emma’s chin as she placed an arm across her stomach.

Being this close to Emma somehow calmed her and made her nervous at the same time. Alyssa closed her eyes, listening to Emma’s heart beating beneath her ear. Emma held onto her, pressing a hesitant kiss to the top of her head almost like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to, which just reminded Alyssa yet again how wrong Kaylee and Shelby had been.

 

* * *

 

The day of the project hand-in and, with it, the end of the semester, came and went without fanfare. Emma thought that her and Alyssa’s project had been by far the best as far as the presentations went – even if she had been so nervous that her hands had been shaking. Ever since the thanksgiving assembly, the thought of public speaking of any kind was enough to make her palms sweat and her throat close up.

Alyssa had distracted her beforehand during lunch period by taking her to the band closet and kissing her until she hadn’t been able to remember what she’d even been scared about in the first place, but that solution had only worked temporarily. Nevertheless, the actual presentation had gone really well, and Emma was confident that they’d get a good grade.

And for the next two weeks, she didn’t have to go to school. Which meant she and Alyssa wouldn’t have to sneak around or make up excuses to spend time together. Alyssa’s mother was still working, so she would just be able to walk over to Emma’s house pretty much whenever she wanted.

On the day before Christmas Eve, Alyssa came over in a hat and scarf, pressing her nose against Emma’s neck as soon as she could so that Emma could feel just how cold it was.

“I would’ve taken your word for it!” Emma laughed, yelping for more reasons than one when Alyssa’s equally freezing hands slipped under the back of her shirt as they hugged.

Alyssa had arrived with a playful glint in her eyes, and it was clear that the absence of school and her so-called friends had lifted her spirits considerably. That, and it was only two days before Christmas.

 “I thought I heard Alyssa,” Betsy said, emerging from the kitchen to smile at the two of them.

Alyssa let go, still giggling as she greeted Betsy in the half-formal way she’d settled into over the last few months of coming over for project work. Betsy seemed wholly unsurprised to see Alyssa in her house even though the project was over, and Emma wondered just how much her grandma knew.

“Emma and I are baking Christmas cookies today, Alyssa. You’re more than welcome to join,” Betsy said, idly brandishing a wooden spoon.

Alyssa grinned. “I’d love to.”

Betsy went back into the kitchen, and Emma turned to her girlfriend.

“My grandma adores you,” she said confidently. “Just the other day she was telling me how lucky I was to have a friend like you, as if I didn’t already know that.”

Alyssa grinned bashfully, the dimple in her cheek appearing as she did. “Really?”

“Cross my heart,” Emma promised. “I guess she just knows that you’re good for me.”

Alyssa looked at her with soft eyes, and Emma felt a swooping in her stomach – a feeling that was becoming increasingly familiar. She led the way to the kitchen as Alyssa followed, ready to enjoy a whole day of spending time with her, even if it was doing something as simple as baking.

 

Once the cookies were done, Emma took some of them on a plate up to her room, telling her grandma that she and Alyssa were going to watch a movie for one of their classes. Betsy muttered something about Christmas break being a time for relaxation, but then one of her programmes came on and she lost interest in the excuse that Emma was badly improvising.

She let out a breath as she shut her bedroom door behind her, Alyssa biting her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“If you’re going to lie to her, you definitely need to get better at it,” she said.

Emma groaned. “I panicked. I forgot that she probably wouldn’t think anything of us hanging out up here.”

Alyssa took a cookie from the plate, biting into it with a muffled sound of approval. Emma took one too, putting as much of the cookie in her mouth as she could. It tasted amazing, just like all the food her grandma made, and Emma already knew she’d be asking her to bake more of them soon.

“Do you want to watch a movie for real?” Alyssa asked. “You know, so that your lie isn’t as much of a lie.”

“Sure,” Emma shrugged. “What do you want to watch?”

Alyssa paused. “Do you know any… gay movies? I haven’t actually been able to watch any and, well, I thought you might know some.”

Emma took Alyssa’s hand, seeing that she was a little apprehensive about asking. “Of course I do. I know _all_ the gay movies.”

She led Alyssa over to the bed, grabbing her laptop and powering it up. She needed something light-hearted, with a happy ending. Preferably a comedy, which narrowed down her options quite a bit. Eventually, she settled on  _D.E.B.S_. It was cheesy, and a bit dated, but Emma knew it would probably be her safest bet.

Alyssa settled next to her on the bed, both of them leaning against the headboard with Emma’s laptop resting on their outstretched legs. Alyssa slipped her hand back into Emma’s as she pressed play on the movie, settling against her side and taking a deep breath.

Almost straight away, Alyssa was engrossed. Emma had seen this movie countless times, so she was content to simply watch Alyssa’s reactions to what was happening onscreen. Emma only questioned her decision to play the movie once, and that was when the lead couple were caught together. She knew it was one of Alyssa’s biggest fears, but there were precious few LGBTQ+ films that didn’t have a scene like that in them.

Alyssa tensed a little during that scene, but by the end of the movie and the positive note it ended on she seemed a lot more relaxed, at least from what Emma could tell. As the credits rolled, Alyssa stretched her body out. Emma heard a few clicks, and idly wondered just how much cheerleading was affecting her.

“What did you think?” she asked.

“It was so corny. I love it,” Alyssa said, leaning back against the headboard again and looking at Emma with bright eyes. “I’m guessing not all of them end that happily, though.”

“Yeah, a lot of them end in death, or the main character staying with the dude she was with at the start,” Emma frowned. “Which sucks.”

Alyssa hummed in agreement.

“Then you get the poignant dramas,” Emma continued. “They’re usually good, if kind of depressing. But I’m glad you enjoyed this one.”

“I did. Thank you,” Alyssa smiled. She leaned in and kissed Emma, and Emma closed her eyes happily, feeling like she would never get bored of it.

Alyssa pulled back after a few seconds, her eyes flickering around Emma’s face. Her expression was pensive. Emma was about to ask if everything was okay when Alyssa kissed her again.

This kiss was different. Right away, it sent shivers through Emma’s body, and she felt Alyssa’s hand cupping her cheek gently, in direct contrast to the intensity of the kiss. Alyssa’s lips were parted, her body turned towards Emma as much as she could manage, and Emma’s hand landed on Alyssa’s waist as she kissed her back with everything she could give.

Emma’s heart was racing. They’d kissed like this, sort of, but at the first swipe of Alyssa’s tongue against her lips she realized that people cooler than herself might start to call this making out. Before now, most of their kisses had been at least a little bit tentative, but now Emma could feel herself growing more and more emboldened.

She opened her mouth under Alyssa’s, a noise coming from the back of her throat as she felt Alyssa’s tongue dip past her lips. As with so many of Alyssa’s touches, this was exploratory, and any embarrassment Emma had felt at the sound she’d made disappeared when it only seemed to encourage Alyssa.

Emma pressed as close to Alyssa as she could, breathing through her nose as the kiss continued past any length of time they’d kissed before. She didn’t think her body had ever felt this alive, and in that moment she certainly didn’t know how she’d ever survived without knowing what kissing Alyssa Greene this way felt like.

Eventually, their kisses slowed, although Emma’s brain still felt foggy as they parted. She opened her eyes to see Alyssa with hers still closed. Slowly, Alyssa opened her eyes, blinking rapidly a few times before meeting Emma’s gaze. She looked slightly shell-shocked. Emma could relate.

“That was…” Alyssa trailed off, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find the words.

“I know,” Emma said quietly. “I’m making a suggestion that we do that more often.”

“Agreed,” Alyssa said, her face breaking into a smile. “I mean, I always like kissing you but I never—I never thought I could feel like that.”

“Me neither.”

“Do you ever have those moments where it’s like, now I get what everyone means when they talk about something?” Alyssa wondered aloud. “And it’s like before you thought that there was something wrong with you, or at least something different, and then you realize that what you want isn’t what they want. And then you start to think you’ll never have what they do, until you do, only somehow it feels better than what they have?”

Emma understood, sort of. Alyssa frowned thoughtfully, clearly dissatisfied with the way she was explaining her feelings.

“It’s just… being here, with you, I finally get what people mean when they talk about someone being in your heart as well as your head.”

Emma’s jaw dropped slightly, because she didn’t know Alyssa felt like that. Until now, she’d wondered if she was the only one. The weight Alyssa’s words seemed to register in her own brain, and she swallowed nervously, her eyes wide.

Emma couldn’t help it; she leaned in and kissed Alyssa again. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she was falling, but it didn’t scare her quite as much as she thought it would. She was sure it would terrify her when she really examined it, but for now, Emma allowed herself to get lost in the feel of Alyssa’s soft lips under her own.

 

* * *

 

Christmas with her mom was always pretty terrible, but this year was the worst so far, because this year Alyssa knew exactly who she’d much rather be spending the day with. Alyssa had hoped that after church, and lunch, and ‘family time’, that she might be allowed out for a while – but no such luck.

Instead, she had to settle for texting Emma whenever she was alone which, to her frustration, wasn’t a whole lot. Christmas had never felt the same since her father had left, as much as her mother tried. Part of Alyssa felt sorry for her mom; it couldn’t be easy for her taking care of a teenage daughter by herself. Not that she did a great job of actually listening to anything Alyssa had to say, or how she might be feeling.

Alyssa also wanted to give Emma the gift she had gotten the previous day in a panic-induced impulse buy. She hadn’t known what to get her, because she’d never bought a present for someone she was dating before, so she’d ended up buying Emma a capo for her guitar. It was very un-romantic, as far as gifts went, but Alyssa had been too scared to buy anything at the store that could be seen as such just in case she ran into anyone from school. Besides, Emma had mentioned a week or so ago that her capo had broken, so Alyssa knew she actually needed one.

Finally, once she’d retreated to her room for the night, she was able to call Emma. Her mother was downstairs watching some old classic they were showing on the TV, and so Alyssa could speak on the phone without fear of being overheard.

“Hey,” Emma’s voice was soft as she picked up. “How was your day?”

“Boring and forced-happy,” Alyssa sighed. “Yours?”

“Chaotic,” Emma said. “It’s my first Christmas not being at my parents’ house, so I think grandma was trying to take my mind off it all with a million and one different activities.”

“You didn’t see them?” Alyssa asked gently.

There was a pause on the other end of the line before Emma answered. “No.”

“Emma, I’m so sorry,” Alyssa said, sighing heavily. She couldn’t even imagine how Emma must be feeling.

“It’s okay,” Emma said. “I have grandma. And, honestly, being around my parents probably would’ve done more harm than good. I don’t even know how I’ll get through my birthday next year, considering this year’s was the day before they kicked me out.”

Alyssa wished more than anything that she was next to Emma right now, so that she could hold her, and stroke her hair, and let her take the comfort from her that Alyssa so often took from Emma.

“I wish I could’ve gotten out of the house to see you today,” Alyssa murmured. “If my mother weren’t an estate agent, she’d be a pretty good prison guard.”

Emma laughed a little at that, and Alyssa’s heart felt a tiny bit lighter.

“Yeah, it sucks that we couldn’t even spend a little bit of time together on Christmas of all days,” Emma said. “I wish I could’ve seen you, too.”

“Next year,” Alyssa said determinedly. “I don’t care how, but I’ll find a way to see you on Christmas next year.”

“Next year?” Emma sounded breathless, and Alyssa realized the implications of her words. In her mind, she and Emma were together a year from now. Deep in the back of her mind, behind a door Alyssa was almost too scared to open, she and Emma were together a lot of Christmases from now.

And it was definitely too early to be feeling like that, and maybe she should have kept her mouth closed because what if Emma didn’t feel the same? What if Emma found someone out and proud, who she could hold hands with in public, and decided Alyssa wasn’t worth it after all?

“Alyssa?” Emma’s voice broke through the cloudiness in her head. “Are you still there?”

“I’m still here,” Alyssa said. “I just—sorry if that was too forward, I—”

“Next Christmas,” Emma said firmly, and the weight that felt like it was on Alyssa’s chest lifted slightly. “I really, really like you, Alyssa Greene. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, okay?”

The words themselves were playful, but the tone of voice was the softest Alyssa had ever heard Emma use. Alyssa took a deep breath, reminding herself of all the things Emma had said to her about how she felt. This relationship wasn’t one-sided; Emma had real feelings for her. She wasn’t going to just leave without warning. They were in this together.

“Okay.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! please do let me know if you enjoyed it, because comments give me the best sense of whether or not what i'm writing is actually any good, and what parts of it people are responding to!
> 
> i was thinking of making this a series of connected one-shots, and i already have ideas for a few more, so tell me if that's something you'd be interested in reading :)


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